45 Secrets to Control Your Emotions, the Psychology & Steps to Master It
One very important skill to have is how to control your emotions. But it’s not that easy for a lot of people. Here are some tips to help you.
Have you ever wondered about how to control your emotions during those moments when they seem to have a mind of their own? Picture this: You’re about to step into a situation that makes your heart race – maybe it’s a first date, a job interview, or even just an ordinary day filled with life’s little surprises.
One moment you’re riding high on a wave of excitement, and the next, you’re plummeting into frustration over something as trivial as a spilled coffee.
It’s in these everyday scenarios where understanding and managing our emotions – a concept known as emotional regulation – becomes not just useful, but essential.
Emotions, spontaneous and raw, are an integral part of the human experience.
But rather than letting them steer the ship, learning ‘how to control your emotions’ equips us with the compass to navigate through life’s highs and lows with a bit more grace and a lot less stress. [Read: Emotionally exhausted? How it feels, 41 signs and reasons why you’re drained]
The Psychology Behind Emotional Control
Noticed how some people can stay as cool as a cucumber in a crisis, while others might flip their lid over a misplacing their keys?
This difference often boils down to understanding the psychology that governs our ability to control our emotions.
1. Emotional Intelligence *EI*
Emotional Intelligence, or EI, is at the heart of understanding and managing our emotions.
It’s like having an internal emotional radar; EI helps us sense not only our feelings but also the emotions of those around us. [Read: Plutchik’s wheel of emotion – how to read and decode your emotional wheel]
Imagine you’re at a party and notice a friend looking a bit down – if you intuitively offer a comforting word or a joke to lift their spirits, that’s your EI in action.
It’s a vital tool for ‘how to control your emotions,’ allowing us to navigate social interactions and personal reflections with greater ease and understanding.
2. The Brain’s Role
The drama of our emotional responses plays out in the theater of our brain. [Read: Super empath – what it means, 40 signs, causes, and must-knows to read one]
The amygdala, like an ever-alert sentry, reacts instantaneously to emotional stimuli, while the prefrontal cortex is the wise diplomat, stepping in to moderate responses and make rational decisions.
Consider the scenario where you’re on the verge of a knee-jerk reaction, like snapping at a colleague. It’s the prefrontal cortex that intervenes, reminding you to take a breath and approach the situation more calmly.
This brain teamwork is crucial in mastering ‘how to control your emotions,’ ensuring we don’t just react, but respond thoughtfully. [Read: 32 Truths to emotionally detach from someone and not feel hurt anymore]
3. Nature vs. Nurture
Our ability to manage emotions isn’t just hardwired; it’s also shaped by our life experiences. The ‘Nature versus Nurture’ debate highlights how our upbringing and environment can influence our emotional responses.
For instance, someone raised in a family that openly discussed feelings might be more adept at expressing and handling emotions than someone who grew up in a more reserved setting.
This understanding underscores the importance of environment and experiences in learning ‘how to control your emotions’ effectively. [Read: I need a hug – 25 things to do that offer emotional comfort and feel just as good]
How to Control Your Emotions and Your Life as a Whole
It’s not too good to be true. You can really take back your life if you learn how to control your emotions and stop them from putting you in less than desirable situations.
If you’re someone who feels like you can never get a handle on how you feel or your emotions make a mess of situations you’d like to enjoy, this will help you learn how to control your emotions and finally live your life the way you want.
1. Keep a Journal
In order to control your emotions, you have to first figure out how to understand them. We feel things we just don’t get sometimes and it can often take a while to figure it out. [Read: Emotional baggage – what it is, types, causes, and 27 steps to put it down]
One of the best ways to do this is to write in a journal. You don’t have to be upset or angry in order to write, either.
Just write every day. Seeing how you feel written out in words can give you a new perspective so you can understand it better.
2. Think Before You Speak or Act
Something that messes us up the most is when we don’t spend the time to think before reacting to situations. Not only is this harmful to those around you, but it can make you lose control. [Read: 13 proven strategies for instant happiness]
The next time you get upset or angry, take a few seconds to think about what you want to do about it. Oftentimes, after taking that time to think it over, you can control yourself much easier.
3. Vent to Friends and Family
It’s okay to lose control of your emotions when you’re in a safe space. You are allowed to vent and talk about how you feel. Just make sure you do so with friends and family you trust. That way, you won’t risk hurting anyone and in turn, yourself.
4. Take Deep Breaths
It’s all about giving yourself some time to process how you feel. The best way to do this is to take some deep breaths. [Read: Instant hacks for calming yourself down]
Calm your mind and your body and you’ll be able to figure out what’s going on so you can act accordingly and appropriately.
5. Look at the Situation from a Distance
Pretend you’re a stranger to you and how you’re feeling. Look at the situation as if you’re not actually involved and ask yourself if how you’re feeling and how you want to react is reasonable.
Most of the time, it’s not. That helps you control yourself and avoid doing or saying something you’ll later regret. [Read: Emotional roller coaster – the signs, causes, and ways to end this relationship]
6. Gain Some Perspective
We often overact in certain situations and make certain things a lot bigger of a deal than they should be. And most often, that’s because we lack perspective.
We think everything is a big deal but in the grand scheme of things, is it really?
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, someone who has it worse off. Then ask yourself if you’d react the same way. Usually, that’s enough to help you regain some control of your emotions. [Read: Why am I so emotional? Emotional stability and 27 secrets to balance life]
7. Remove Yourself from the Situation
If you know you can’t control yourself and you feel like you’re about to go off, get out of there. Go somewhere else and give yourself time to cool down.
When you’re not in the middle of the things that set you off, it’s much easier to figure out how to control your emotions.
8. Close Your Eyes and Count to 5
All you really need is time. You need a few seconds to remain inactive while you chill out. If you’re not someone who can do this on your own, then close your eyes and count to 5 or even 10. [Read: Ways to put the crazy away and avoid a meltdown]
This can help distract you from how you feel and it gives you time to process your emotions. After those 5 seconds, think about how you want to react.
9. Think Positively
Much of what makes us lose control is negativity. We feel something strong and negative and it pushes us over the edge. When something happens to make you feel upset, focus on the positive.
Think about all the ways it’s actually a good thing and even if there are any benefits. [Read: 45 Secrets to be more positive and fill your mind with positive emotions 24/7]
This can be hard to get good at right away but after a while, you’ll do it out of habit and you’ll have full control over your emotions.
10. Practice Every Single Day
Think of your self-control like a muscle. The more you work it, the easier it’ll be to use and the better you’ll be at it. That’s exactly what it’s like with controlling your emotions.
You have to practice every day or every time you get the chance. You may not have to focus on controlling yourself all the time but whenever you do, make sure to follow these steps. [Read: Signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
11. Don’t Put So Much Pressure on Yourself
Give yourself a break. Everyone loses control sometimes and yes, it’s hard to deal with. But people can relate. They understand and if you push yourself too hard, you’ll break. So take it easy on yourself when you do slip up.
12. Allow Yourself to Feel Those Emotions Later
You don’t have to shove all those emotions down and forget about them. That’s actually what may lead to you losing control at some point.
Feel those things, but do so later and in a safe space. Process those emotions so you can start the next day with a clean slate. Letting it all build up will only do harm to you. [Read: Ways to stop yourself from crying and control your emotions]
13. Engage in Physical Activity
Exercise isn’t just great for your body; it’s a fantastic emotional regulator.
When emotions run high, going for a run or hitting the gym can act as a physical outlet for stress and anxiety. Plus, the endorphins released during exercise can lift your mood – it’s like giving your emotions a healthy snack. [Read: Benefits of exercise on your mind, body, and libido]
14. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is about living in the moment and accepting your feelings without judgment.
It’s like being an observer of your own mind, watching emotions come and go without getting swept away. Regular mindfulness practice can increase emotional awareness and control.
15. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes, emotional turmoil is a response to overstepping personal boundaries. Learning to say ‘no’ or setting limits in relationships and work can prevent emotional drain.
Think of it as emotional self-defense. [Read: 23 Secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]
16. Seek Professional Help When Needed
There’s no shame in seeking help from a therapist or counselor. These professionals can offer tools and techniques specifically tailored to your needs. It’s like having a personal emotional trainer.
17. Cultivate Gratitude
Regularly acknowledging things you’re grateful for can shift your focus from negative to positive emotions. It’s like tuning your emotional radio to a more uplifting frequency.
18. Develop a Creative Outlet
Engaging in a creative hobby – be it painting, music, or writing – can provide a healthy channel for expressing emotions. [Read: Dating an artist – 31 traits of a creative person and must-knows to date them]
It’s not just about creating art; it’s about translating feelings into something tangible and sometimes beautiful.
19. Listen to Music
Music can have a profound impact on our emotions. Whether it’s upbeat tunes to lift your spirits or calming melodies to soothe anxiety, curating a personal playlist can be an effective emotional management tool.
Why Master Your Emotions?
Why master ‘how to control your emotions,’ you ask? Well, the benefits extend far beyond just keeping a lid on feelings. [Read: How to stop being needy – why people get clingy and 32 ways to fix it]
Here are 13 compelling reasons.
1. Improved Relationships
Emotional control helps in understanding not just your feelings but also those of others, leading to deeper, more empathetic connections.
Imagine being able to navigate a partner’s mood swings or a friend’s bad day with ease and understanding – that’s relationship gold. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]
2. Career Success
Keeping a cool head in the workplace can mean the difference between a successful negotiation and a blown deal. It’s about making rational, composed decisions and displaying a professional demeanor, even when under stress.
3. Mental Health Benefits
Regularly managing emotional extremes can lead to reduced anxiety and depression. Think of it as emotional weightlifting – the more you practice, the stronger your mental health resilience becomes.
4. Avoiding Embarrassment
Ever overreacted in public and then replayed it in your head for days? Keeping your emotions in check can save you from these cringe-worthy moments. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]
5. Better Decision Making
Controlled emotions lead to clearer thinking. Whether it’s deciding on a major life change or simply choosing what to eat for dinner, a calm mind leads to better choices.
6. Enhanced Learning Abilities
When your emotions aren’t running wild, your brain can absorb and retain information more effectively. It’s like giving your brain a more organized workspace.
7. Increased Patience
Mastering emotional control teaches patience – a virtue in dealing with life’s slower moments. It’s about turning waiting in line from a frustrating ordeal into an opportunity for calm reflection. [Read: 24 Secrets to be patient in a relationship and avoid risking a new love]
8. Stress Reduction
Consistent emotional control can significantly lower stress levels, leading to a more relaxed and enjoyable life. Imagine fewer sleepless nights and more peaceful days.
9. Boosted Self-Esteem
Being in charge of your emotions can lead to a stronger sense of self and increased confidence. It’s like being the captain of your own emotional ship.
10. Healthier Lifestyle Choices
When you’re not driven by emotional impulses, you’re more likely to make healthier choices, like opting for a salad instead of fast food when you’re feeling down. [Read: 26 Secrets to get motivated to work out and exercise your way to a better life]
11. Conflict Resolution Skills
With a grip on your emotions, you’re better equipped to handle conflicts calmly and constructively. It’s like being a diplomat in your own personal negotiations.
12. Greater Empathy
Understanding your own emotions can heighten your ability to empathize with others, making you a more compassionate friend, partner, and colleague.
13. Joy in Little Things
When you’re not overwhelmed by your emotions, it’s easier to find joy in the small, everyday experiences. [Read: 41 Rules of life to never be unhappy and be the one who screams “I love my life!”]
It’s about enjoying the warmth of the sun on your face or the taste of your favorite coffee without the shadow of uncontrolled emotions.
Challenges in Emotional Control
Unless you’re a modern-day Marcus Aurelius, mastering the art of stoicism and emotional control can often feel like a Herculean task. It’s easier said than done, right?
Here are ten common challenges people face.
1. Over-Suppression of Emotions
Trying too hard to control your emotions can lead to them being bottled up and eventually exploding. [Read: Repressed anger – 22 healing ways to release anger and focus on the positives]
It’s like putting a lid on a boiling pot; sooner or later, the steam has to escape. This over-suppression can also cause emotional numbness, where you feel disconnected from your feelings.
2. Misreading Emotions
Sometimes, we can misinterpret our emotions or the emotions of others, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. It’s like reading a book in dim light; you might get the gist, but the nuances are lost, often resulting in misguided reactions.
3. Emotional Reactivity
For some, the slightest trigger can set off a cascade of intense emotions. It’s like having a hair-trigger emotional response system where calm turns to chaos at the drop of a hat. [Read: Ways to handle dating someone with anger issues]
4. Difficulty in Identifying Emotions
Not everyone can easily pinpoint what they’re feeling. This challenge is like having a puzzle with missing pieces – if you can’t identify the emotion, managing it becomes a lot harder.
5. Personality Types and Emotion
Different personalities handle emotions differently. For instance, introverts might internalize their feelings more than extroverts, leading to different types of emotional challenges.
6. Influence of Past Trauma
Past traumatic experiences can significantly influence how one controls their emotions. It’s like an old injury that flares up unexpectedly, affecting emotional responses in unpredictable ways. [Read: Trauma bonding in relationships – 35 signs and secrets to unmask and escape]
7. Cultural Perspectives on Emotions
Different cultures have various ways of viewing and expressing emotions. What’s considered a healthy expression in one culture might be seen as excessive or insufficient in another.
8. Stress and Anxiety
High levels of stress and anxiety can make emotional control more difficult. It’s like trying to maintain balance in a boat that’s constantly being rocked by waves.
9. Lack of Emotional Education
Many people grow up without learning how to effectively manage their emotions. It’s like being asked to drive a car without ever having taken a driving lesson. [Read: Immature men – 53 manchild signs, why he’s a pain to date, and ways to help him]
10. Social Media Influence
The constant exposure to curated, often idealized emotions on social media can skew our perception of normal emotional responses, making it harder to manage our real-life emotions.
It’s Not About Shutting Your Emotions Off
Each step you take towards understanding and managing your emotions is a step towards a more balanced, fulfilling life. Whether it’s through mindfulness, physical activity, or simply acknowledging and respecting your feelings, every effort counts.
This aligns with what the philosopher Epictetus once said: “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”
This perspective emphasizes the power we hold over our emotional responses, regardless of the situation.[Read: 70 True secrets to happiness to have a happy life and enjoy everything you do]
And while the journey can sometimes feel daunting, the rewards – in terms of personal growth, improved relationships, and overall well-being – are immense.
So, be kind to yourself as you embark on this path. Celebrate your progress, learn from the setbacks, and keep moving forward with an open heart and mind. [Read: 26 Whys and ways to surround yourself with positive people and remodel your life]
The key to learning how to control your emotions isn’t to shut them off, it’s to let yourself feel but in the confines of your own home and space. Control your actions and your emotions will follow.
The post 45 Secrets to Control Your Emotions, the Psychology & Steps to Master It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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