How to Recognize the Signs of Sexual Narcissism
Medically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MDMedically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MDSexual narcissism is a behavior pattern that only affects sexual experiences. The Sexual Narcissism Scale (SNS) is a tool that measures and identifies the four key components of sexual narcissism in a person, including sexual exploitation, sexual entitlement, a disregard for the needs of their partners, and a grandiose view of sexual skills.
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Sexual Narcissism CharacteristicsSexual ExploitationSexual exploitation is a willingness to manipulate or coerce others for sexual gratification. Sexual narcissists will often exploit or manipulate others for sexual satisfaction. Examples of sexual exploitation include:Making a partner feel guilty for saying no Pressuring someone to engage in sexual activityUsing charm, coercion, or deceit to engage in sex A partner who frequently compromises their sexual boundaries or wishes to avoid conflict might be dealing with a sexual narcissist. Sexual Entitlement Sexual narcissists feel entitled to sexual gratification and believe their sexual needs are more important than their partners'. A sexual narcissist might: Covertly seek out other sex partners when in a committed relationship Dismiss a partner's need for rest, emotional connection, or other aspects of intimacy Expect sex to always be available on their terms, whenever they want itExpress frustration or anger if their partner isn't "in the mood" Treat sex as a right rather than a mutual experienceResearch shows that sexual narcissists with high levels of entitlement are more likely to engage in sexually aggressive behavior, including unwanted sexual contact, verbal coercion, and sexual assault. Low Sexual Empathy Low sexual empathy means that a person has little to no interest in their partner's feelings or experiences during sexual interactions. A sexual narcissist: Does not check in on how their partner is feeling during sexual activitiesDoes not seek an emotional connection with their partners Ignores or feels indifferent about their partner's needs, concerns, or desiresSolely focuses on their own pleasure Grandiose View of Sexual SkillsSexual narcissists have an inflated view of their sexual abilities and performance. They exude confidence about sexual matters and may: Become overly sensitive to critique or feedback that deflates their sense of superiority Constantly seek validation for their sexual performanceOverestimate their abilities in the bedroomTalk excessively about their sexual prowess Use sex as a way to boost their ego
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Diagnostic CriteriaUnlike narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), there isn't an official clinical diagnosis for sexual narcissism. The Sexual Narcissism Scale is a 20-item questionnaire that offers a structured way to gauge the extent to which narcissist traits show up in sexual behaviors.The SNS assesses the degree of sexual narcissism through a series of statements people respond to on a 5-point scale, from strongly disagree (1) to strongly agree (5). Generally, higher scores indicate high levels of sexual narcissism. Some example statements from the SNS include: I would be willing to trick a person to get them to have sex with me (exploitation). One way to get a person in bed with me is to tell them what they want to hear (exploitation). I would be irritated if a dating partner said no to sex (entitlement). I should be permitted to have sex whenever I want it (entitlement). The feelings of my sexual partners usually don't concern me (lack of empathy). I do not usually care how my partners feel after sex (lack of empathy). I am an exceptional sexual partner (grandiose view of skills).My sexual partners think I am fantastic in bed (grandiose view of skills).Relationship EffectsSexual narcissism can have a profoundly damaging effect on relationships. Partners of sexual narcissists may feel used, neglected, or unimportant when their partner ignores their emotional and physical needs, disregards their boundaries, or exploits them for sex. Over time, these dynamics can erode trust and emotional intimacy.Partners of people with sexual narcissism often experience: Betrayal: Sexual narcissists often engage in infidelity or other forms of betrayal, violating their partners' trust and causing emotional pain.Gaslighting: Sexual narcissists may deny or minimize their harmful behaviors, leading their partners to question their perceptions and sanity.Imbalanced power dynamic: Partners may feel powerless when a sexual narcissist has low empathy and consistently prioritizes their own pleasure. Manipulation: Sexual narcissists may use emotional manipulation to control their partners, making them feel guilty, ashamed, or inadequate.People with sexual narcissism may exploit their friends in pursuit of sexual conquests, seek sexual attention outside of their relationship, and engage in inappropriate flirting or infidelity.How to Cope With Sexual Narcissism in a PartnerSexual narcissistic behaviors are a form of emotional abuse that can have long-lasting effects on partners. Coping with sexual narcissism in a partner can affect your mental health, sense of self-worth, and trust in yourself and others.It's natural to feel sad and confused about the dynamics in the relationship—especially when your partner generally only displays narcissistic qualities related to sexual activities. However, there are strategies to consider for coping with sexual narcissism in a partner.Communicate Your NeedsIf your partner genuinely cares about you and you both want to maintain the relationship, starting an open conversation can be a good first step.Clear communication can help set the tone for change. While sexual narcissists may focus on their desires, it's important to voice your own needs. This might not lead to immediate change, but it can help you clarify what you need from the relationship and clarify when your needs are not being met.For example, you might say, "I love being intimate with you, and sex is an important part of our connection. But I've noticed that our sexual relationship feels one-sided. I'm starting to feel like my needs aren't being met, and it's hurting me. I want to talk about how we can work together to make things better."Set and Enforce Boundaries Be clear about your emotional and physical limits. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently, and don't be afraid to reinforce them. Sexual narcissists may attempt to manipulate or guilt you into giving in or doing something outside of your comfort zone. Standing your ground is important for your health and emotional well-being and the health and longevity of your relationship.You might consider saying, "If this relationship is going to continue, I need respect and consideration when I'm not feeling up for sex. I can't be with someone who punishes me emotionally, like giving the silent treatment or threatening to find sex elsewhere."Prioritize YourselfBeing in a relationship with a sexual narcissist can be emotionally draining. Take time for yourself outside of the relationship. Prioritize self-care, connect with friends and family, and engage in hobbies that bring you joy. Therapy can provide a safe space to address unhealthy patterns, such as emotional abuse, sexual coercion, and manipulation, and give you the tools necessary to cope.Change is only possible if your partner is willing to work on their behavior. If they dismiss your concerns or continue disregarding your needs, remember that you are not responsible for your partner's behavior and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
When to Seek Outside SupportCodependency, sexual abuse, or sexual coercion are serious issues that often require outside support.Codependency can lead to unhealthy dynamics where one partner feels overly responsible for the other's emotional well-being, making it difficult to set boundaries or leave. Sexual abuse or rape is never justified and can have profound psychological effects. If you're facing these issues, consider reaching out to professional resources, such as the following, that provide support for those in these situations: National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org for confidential support and safety planning.RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit rainn.org for a 24/7 hotline and online chat for survivors of sexual violence.National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC): The website nsvrc.org offers educational resources and referrals to local services for those affected by sexual violence.
Addressing Sexual Narcissism With a Professional If you suspect you or your partner is a sexual narcissist, seeking professional help can be a valuable step towards healing and growth. A qualified mental health professional, such as a licensed therapist, relationship counselor, or sex therapist, can help navigate your relationship dynamics and address sexual narcissism and its impact on your relationship. Therapy for sexual narcissism focuses on increasing empathy, exploring the roots of entitlement, and learning how to form healthier, more balanced relationships. If you're the partner of someone with sexual narcissism, a therapist can guide you through setting and maintaining boundaries, improving communication, and identifying any harmful patterns that need addressing.Therapy can also help you recognize when the relationship may be moving into emotionally or sexually abusive territory and help you create a safety plan, if necessary.Summary Sexual narcissism is a form of narcissism that centers on self-centered sexual behavior and a lack of empathy toward a partner's needs. Key traits include sexual entitlement, exploitation, low sexual empathy, and an inflated sense of sexual skill, which can lead to unhealthy, manipulative dynamics in relationships. The effects on a partner can be emotionally damaging, often leaving them feeling devalued or pressured. Addressing sexual narcissism with a mental health professional can provide tools for healing, whether you're the one displaying these traits or are a partner of a sexual narcissist. Remember, support is available, and with the right help, healthier relationships are possible. Read the original article on Verywell Health.
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