She’s Upset Her Fiancé Used To Spend His Money Freely On A Woman From His Past, But He’s Not Generous Now And Makes Her Split Everything
Three years ago, this 32-year-old woman’s 39-year-old fiancé, Max, used to be engaged to someone else.
Back then, Max was engaged to a woman named Lily, who unexpectedly passed away due to trauma.
She has been by Max’s side, helping him work through his issues related to Lily’s passing ever since she came into his life six months later, but there is one thing about Max and Lily’s relationship that really bothers her to this day.
You see, Max used to spend money on Lily like it was no big deal, yet he doesn’t treat her the same way.
Now, Lily was a single mom with no money who lived on government assistance and had housing through the government as well. Max was with Lily for 7 years.
She definitely is in a different financial situation than Lily was in, which may explain, in part, why Max treats her differently.
She and Max live two hours away from one another, but she spends the majority of her time at Max’s apartment.
She owns a home with her ex, and she owes him $125,000 in order to buy out his portion of their home.
Max loves her home, and she honestly does too. The value of her home has increased a lot since she purchased it, so it makes more sense for her to buy out her ex than shop for something new.
vetkit – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
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She works as a nurse making $100,000 a year, and Max is a business owner who brings home somewhere between $300,000 to $500,000 annually.
Now that their background information is out of the way let’s jump into the things that bother her about how Max treated Lily vs. how he treats her, starting with engagement rings.
“Max bought Lily an engagement ring that cost him $15k and proposed on a romantic Caribbean vacation,” she explained.
“My ring costs (I came across the receipt while cleaning) $2k and he proposed to me in his living room on my birthday. I am not materialistic, but it upsets me because $2k is such a small fraction of his salary, and I have seen him blow through more than that in minutes. If he had no trouble spending $15k and a vacation to propose the first time, then why did I get a $2k ring and a living room proposal?”
“He told me when he saw the ring, he knew it was mine and that he thought my birthday was a great option. When I met him (and we were just friends) he told me how much he loved Lily and she deserved a big, expensive ring like that. So, do I not deserve it?”
Next, houses. Max only just told her that a couple of days prior to Lilly’s passing, he surprised Lily by saving up $150,000 for her to purchase the house of her dreams. Max spent a year saving up and gifted that money to Lily. When Lily died, he gambled his life savings away.
Speaking of saving, she is still saving to buy her ex out of his half of their shared home, but she needs to get a loan to do this.
Her loan will be an additional $2,000 a month. Max mentioned he can loan her $40,000 to help, but she will have to pay him back that money.
Oh, and when she does buy her ex out, Max’s plan is to move in and pay for half of their household expenses.
“How come he worked so hard to GIFT her a home, yet he is only willing to give me his spare money and requires the money back?” she wondered.
“Third, the home life. With Lily, he was willing to let her be the stay-at-home wife while he was the provider.”
“When I expressed to him that my job really stresses me out and I would rather cut back my hours to start my own business, he told me that I need to keep working because nursing is a stable income and his business (that is over 20 years old) can die any day.”
The fourth issue is the bills. Max happily paid for all of the bills in his relationship with Lily. He paid for Lily’s household expenses, her food, her vacations, and more. He even paid for Lily to take spa days and indulge in whatever she wanted.
In contrast, Max makes her split everything equally, even when it comes to things in his own apartment.
Max keeps a running tab of all the things she owes him for, and recently, when they went out for a fancy dinner, Max asked her to pay for the tip. When she pointed out she had no cash with her, he informed her he would add it to her tab to pay him back.
She’s worried that Max’s actions speak louder than his words and that he’s just kind of negative towards her for some reason.
“Before you say that he just loved her more, let me tell you some things that he told me,” she continued.
“He never trusted or loved anyone as deeply as he loves me. He never told Lily where he was going or what he was doing but gives me his location at all times.”
“Lily used to cheat on him and steal from him; he suspects that in the beginning, she was just using him for his money and then grew to love him over time, so that is why it took him 5 years to propose.”
Lily abused substances and spent hours fighting with Max. Max felt bad for Lily’s son and did his best to stick with her and keep helping out.
Max has stated that he loves how invested she is in her career and that she has a predictable income; all things Lily didn’t have. Lily actually wasn’t able to hold down a job due to her vices, which Max despised.
And finally, she can sit here and say that Max has done a ton more for her in a non-financial sense than he ever did for Lily when she was alive.
But that doesn’t make her feel any less upset about the different dynamics between the relationship she has with Max and the one he had with Lily, specifically when it boils down to money.
“When I told him my financial concerns, he told me to do more overtime. Never willing to help out, especially not without adding it to my tab,” she added.
“Am I wrong for being alarmed by his actions?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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