My date was a terrible kisser – but that wasn’t the worst part
Jay* held my hand as he walked me back to my car, telling me he didn’t want the night to end.
We had talked and laughed throughout dinner before going to a show.
We spoke about everything, from my disability – I am an ambulatory wheelchair user with chronic pain, as well as autistic and have ADHD – my job, love of musical theatre, and his passion for travel. He even told me more about his family and how he had recently been to visit them for a holiday.
When we got back into my car after my dream date, we continued talking, while listening to music. Eventually he leaned over and kissed me. I’d been waiting for this all night.
The kiss was bad. Oh god, it was terrible.
It was sloppy, all teeth, as if he’d never kissed anyone before and had no idea what he was doing. He’d clearly never even practiced on the back of his hand.
He kissed me a few more times and I found myself pulling away because it was so unappealing. I was shocked and extremely disappointed; kissing is important to me – I love a snogging session.
I went home feeling unsure. Jay was the best date I’d had in a long time but if he couldn’t deliver on the kissing front, I wasn’t sure I was willing to compromise.
This uncertainty prompted me to try to find out more about him. Jay had sent me a screenshot of our dinner table reservation, which had given me his full name, so I typed it into the search engine.
His Facebook account popped straight up. And right there, at the top of his feed, was a wedding picture of him and his new bride – from three weeks earlier.
I felt a punch in my stomach, and then I started to laugh. I had been lied to and didn’t even consider there to be another explanation.
He was married. And I instantly decided that I was never seeing him again.
I clicked on the picture. There were over 30 comments congratulating Jay and his wife, as well as his replies, thanking them.
The most galling part is that the pictures were taken in the same location he had told me he had been to visit his family on ‘holiday’. But that was clearly where he had done his wedding ceremony.
By this time, it was after midnight and I knew Jay would be asleep. So I decided to take a screenshot of the wedding photo with the comments and send it to him on WhatsApp.
‘Would you like to explain this?’ I wrote. No immediate response.
Lying in bed that night, I couldn’t help but look back on the date. There wasn’t actually anything he said or did to raise any red flags that he could be married, so I’m glad I was proactive and looked him up.
A part of me was relieved because this meant that I didn’t have to kiss him again. In fact, I even felt sorry for his wife.
The next morning, I still didn’t have a reply from Jay so I checked his profile and discovered that he had blocked me on everything.
To this day, I have never seen or heard from him. H
The whole experience made me even more cautious about dating than I already was; it made me question others’ intentions, whether they are already in a relationship, who to trust, and so much more.
Yet I knew I couldn’t judge all men by that one guy. That hasn’t stopped me from asking dates I’ve been on if they’re married.
I try to laugh it off, but it is always in the back of my head that I am being lied to. I am extremely paranoid.
I now know to trust my gut when it comes to bad kissing – and definitely not settle for it.
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