What's a 'Venmo Mom'?—And Why There's Nothing Wrong With It
A TikTok mom brought attention to this type of parent and got a lot of feedback.Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah ScottMemo to parents everywhere: A new parenting term has entered the lexicon. It's "Venmo Mom."And you may want to pour yourself a cup of coffee or tea and pull up a chair, because the broader debate this term has triggered about parenting styles is an important one.
GettyImages/MoMo Productions
What's the Deal with 'Venmo Moms?'First, some all-important background. Casey Neal, a Tennessee mom, recently posted a TikTok video in which she explains that instead of volunteering, she prefers to provide money to support her children's schools or sports teams."If the room mom needs money for everyone to participate? Fine. I'll Venmo money right over…I do not want to set up…I even told one of the coaches today I am a Venmo mom." Neal concludes the video with the caption: "Proud Venmo mom."This mom points out that while she will of course ensure that her kids do their homework and get to school on time, she experiences stress when her children's school or sports teams ask for parents to volunteer their time."I don't know about anyone else out there but 'Meet the Teacher' is super stressful because I do not want to be involved at all," says Neal, mother of four. “I don’t want to be on PTO, PTA, Room Mom, Team Mom—I don’t want to do any of that.” She also worries that other parents often judge her when she opts not to volunteer, adding in the caption on her video: "Here comes all the judgment from the room moms and team moms." @nealfamilychaos Stop judging the venmo moms lol #roommoms #teammoms #fyp #foryoupage #nealfamilychaos #foryou #momsoftiktok #dad #fypシ゚viral #wivesoftiktok #mom ♬ original sound - nealfamilychaos Refreshingly, the overwhelming majority of comments on Neal's post are positive. One writes, "A Venmo mom IS involved! Don’t discount yourself! (Veteran teacher)."Another says, "As an introvert, please don’t ask me! I’ll send all the things and money and cheer in the audience though.”Even caregivers who do volunteer, are all for Venmo parents. "As a Room Mom and Team Mom I can’t thank you enough for being a Venmo Mom!" one shares.But a few also wondered about Neal's reluctance to volunteer. "Can I ask why?" asked one commenter, while another added: "I loved it. And don't understand why people don't volunteer. My boys are grown with their own families and they both have told me how great it was being involved."No, You Shouldn't Feel Guilty for Not Volunteering at SchoolThere can be various reasons why volunteering at your kid's school isn't on your to-do list. And you should never feel guilty about the choices you make as a parent when it comes to your level of involvement at school or extracurricular activities or anything else.It should go without saying that every parent has the right to do what works for them. Meaning as little or as much volunteer involvement as you feel comfortable with."Parents are doing everything they can and oftentimes wearing so many hats and playing so many roles daily. So, they have to pick and choose what things they have the capacity for. We all know we can't do it all," says Reena Patel, LEP, BCBA, parenting expert and positive psychologist.Choosing how you want to show up for your child, and doing so in a way that preserves your own mental health as a parent, is a valid and important decision, adds Patel. "As long as you are showing up somehow, and doing what works best for you and your family," says Patel. "And that may very much look like showing up to help financially."Volunteering at School Can Be StressfulRuth Ettenberg Freeman, LCSW, founder and president of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, observes that Neal mentions stress three times in her TikTok video about being a Venmo mom. And rather than being critical or judging the choices of Neal or any other mom, it's important to be supportive."In my work as a parenting educator and psychotherapist over several decades, I have heard from many parents about their worries regarding engagement with schools and educators, based on their own childhood experiences and sometimes trauma in school," says Ettenberg Freeman.A parent's own past experiences in school environments could involve shaming, harsh punishment, racism, bullying, and other significant harm. There's no way to know what the specific trigger might be, if any at all."But it is clear that going to her child's school, and perhaps even engaging with educators, is somehow very distressing," adds Ettenberg Freeman, and for that, Neal—or any parent expressing such sentiments—"deserves compassion, not judgment."Doing What Works for You Is the Way To GoWhether you're a Venmo, team, or room parent, is entirely up to you. It's your parenting journey. So, do what works for you and your children. "We should never judge parents for figuring out how they can help," says Patel. "Bottom line, this mom is helping how she can. She chose to donate money, which is absolutely contributing, and she is not the first parent to do this."Some parents have the time to volunteer and be involved in the classrooms, while others may not due to their work schedule or simply because they prefer to contribute in other ways. And no matter where you fall on that spectrum, it is equally valid."There is a place for every type of parent," adds Patel. For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter! Read the original article on Parents.
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