What Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and Why Do Parents Do It?
Revenge bedtime procrastination is when someone intentionally puts off sleep to reclaim some personal time. Experts weigh in on why parents do it and how to stop.Medically reviewed by Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D.Medically reviewed by Jodi A. Mindell, Ph.D.We've all been there—it's time for bed and instead of drifting off to sleep, you grab your phone and scroll on TikTok for "five minutes" which actually turns into a few hours. If you haven't been able to kick the habit, don't worry because you're not alone. This phenomenon is so popular that it has even been given a name: revenge bedtime procrastination. To help better understand this idea, we spoke with therapists and psychologists about revenge bedtime procrastination and how you can manage it for a better night's sleep that'll leave you feeling well rested in the morning.
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What Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?Revenge bedtime procrastination is when someone intentionally puts off sleep so they can reclaim some of their personal time. The term was coined by journalist Daphne K. Lee years ago, and originates from the Chinese term 'bàofùxìng áoyè.'"It can be described as the time of day when individuals finally feel able to engage in prolonged leisure activities without interruption or perceived judgment from others, thereby often interfering with sleep," says Dr. Aubrey Carpenter, PhD; a licensed clinical psychologist in Vermont and founder of It Takes A Village. "This could include scrolling social media, watching TV, getting lost in a baking or house project, or any other activity that causes someone to stay up later than they would otherwise want to.”Parents and revenge bedtime procrastinationParents generally partake in revenge bedtime procrastination as a result of a lack of free time during waking hours. "Limited personal time takes its toll on a parent's overall wellbeing so they'll grasp at any opportunity for solitude and relaxation—even if in the end it's not healthy for them," says Jessica Hunt, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker in California.Carpenter adds that revenge bedtime procrastination is particularly popular among working parents and/or parents with ADHD who may particularly struggle with impulse control, hyperfocus, and maintaining healthy sleep routines.
Why Do Parents Revenge Bedtime Procastinate?According to Dr. Catherine Nobile, psychologist and director of Nobile Psychology, parents engage in revenge bedtime procrastination to reclaim some semblance of personal freedom and autonomy. "If their routines don't lend themselves to a lot of personal time they'll go and find it for themselves and staying up late can feel like the only opportunity to unwind and do things just for [them] without interruptions," says Hunt.
The Negative Effects of Revenge Bedtime ProcrastinationAs you can probably imagine, revenge bedtime procrastination can have negative effects including sleep deprivation, weakened immune system, and mental health issues."This ongoing lack of adequate rest can weaken the immune system, making one more prone to illnesses and increase the risk of developing chronic conditions such as diabetes, obesity and heart disease," says Dr. Nobile. "The cognitive impact is also significant; impaired sleep can hinder memory, concentration, and decision-making abilities, leading to difficulties in performing daily tasks and a greater likelihood of accidents."Emotional and mental health can also suffer as sleep deprivation is linked to elevated levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. "The long-term consequences of regularly sacrificing sleep for personal time highlight the crucial need to prioritize good sleep hygiene for maintaining both physical and mental well-being," adds Nobile. How to Stop Revenge Bedtime ProcrastinationThere are many ways to tackle revenge bedtime procrastination. A 2024 study proposes a dual-process approach, which involves using cognitive and behavioral techniques to reduce bedtime procrastination."Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based intervention that is particularly helpful for insomnia or anxiety and mood challenges that can interfere with sleep amongst the many demands of parenting," says Dr. Carpenter. "CBT aims to help you identify patterns, negative beliefs, and maladaptive coping behaviors that may be interfering with spending your evenings the way you would like to."Here are some additional tips to help overcome revenge bedtime procrastination, according to our experts:Make time during the day for leisure. To prevent staying up later at bedtime, try to utilize awake time to recharge if you can find the time. "Try to carve out time and space to refill your coping cup during the day, so that the draw to engage in nighttime procrastination isn't as strong," says Nina Kaiser, licensed psychologist and owner of Practice San Francisco. "Maybe it's swapping out brief exercise breaks with a partner, maybe it's scheduling 15 minutes of scrolling over your lunch hour—but the more that you can find ways to meet your needs and reground yourself during the day, the less strongly you'll feel pulled to do this sort of procrastination at night." Keep your phone out of your room. If you're a person who is tempted to scroll social media before bed, then Kaiser recommends trying to keep your phone out of your room. Not comfortable with that? You can put it on the other side of the bedroom where it's not as easily accessible to make it less tempting to grab when a notification goes off.Take a deeper look at your values. Carpenter often talks with her clients about doing an assessment of their values to identify value-aligned behaviors and activities that help parents fill their cup at the end of a long day. "As humans, we tend to experience a distressing feeling of cognitive dissonance when our day-to-day activities do not match our values, and so we might engage in bedtime revenge procrastination as a way of avoiding pattern-breaking and engaging in the real self-care we know we need," she adds.Try mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness and stress reduction techniques also have a part in reducing revenge bedtime procrastination. "These methods help tackle the stress and anxiety that often lead individuals to postpone their bedtime in search of some personal time," says Dr. Nobile. "Practicing mindfulness through meditation, or controlled breathing, helps calm the mind and signal the body that it's time for rest." Additionally, stress management strategies, such as setting clear boundaries, organizing tasks efficiently, and incorporating regular exercise, can further reduce the stress that might drive late-night procrastination.
Best Sleep Hygiene PracticesTo help promote a better night's sleep, you'll want to consider engaging in some sleep hygiene practices. "Practicing good sleep hygiene helps maintain a daily rhythm and quality sleep that is integral to parents’ well-being and ability to show up as their best selves for their children," says Carpenter. For starters, Dr. Nobile emphasizes the importance of a well-designed sleep environment. "A dark, cool, and quiet environment enhances comfort and minimizes disturbances," she says. Other relaxing pre-sleep activities, such as gentle stretching, reading, or meditating, can also prepare your body for rest. "Good sleep hygiene practices can help signal to your body (and brain) that it's time to sleep," says Hunt. "This can make it easier to resist the urge to stay up late."
When You Should Talk to a ProfessionalIt's recommended to seek professional help for revenge bedtime procrastination if the habit continues despite your attempts to address it and it significantly impacts your daily life. "If ongoing sleep deprivation starts affecting your overall health, mood, or cognitive abilities, or if you're struggling with increased anxiety or stress related to your sleep patterns, professional guidance may be necessary," says Dr. Nobile. "Recurring sleep problems that do not resolve with standard sleep hygiene techniques should also be discussed with a healthcare provider."
Related: No, Moms: It's Not Selfish to Make Yourself a Priority
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