NFL star Braden Smith opens up on disturbing OCD battle
By DANIEL MATTHEWS
Colts star Braden Smith has opened up on his life-threatening battle with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that left him close to 'putting a bullet through his brain'.
The NFL player's wife was forced to change the combination of the safe where they kept their guns as Smith's mental turmoil spiraled out of control.
The offensive tackle has not previously spoken about the condition that forced him to miss the final five games of the 2024 season.
'I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found,' Smith told the Indianapolis Star.
'I did not care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son… I (felt like) was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.'
The 29-year-old faced what was described as a 'war of obsession' for his soul as he battled religious scrupulosity, a form of (OCD) relating to religious obsessions.
Braden Smith has opened up on his life-threatening battle with obsessive compulsive disorder
His wife (left) was forced to change the combination of the safe where they kept their guns
'I (felt like) was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain,' the 29-year-old said
According to the International OCD Foundation, 'scrupulous individuals are overly concerned that something they thought or did might be a sin or other violation of religious or moral doctrine.
'They may worry about what their thoughts or behavior mean about who they are as a person.'
Smith tried a psychologist and antidepressants and spent 48 days in a mental health facility, where he met other football players.
But he only began to stop the downward spiral after traveling to Mexico for a five-day treatment using a 'psychoactive' substance that is illegal in the United States.
For a while, though, sleep was reportedly the only escape for Smith. Last November, he drove to the Colts' facility before heading home almost immediately for a nap.
His wife Courtney found him awake but, she told the Star, 'he (was) not there... there was no coming back'.
Smith's problems dated back to March 2024, when his Christian faith began to develop into something more dangerous.
According to the Star, he was praying constantly, listening only to Christian music, 'devouring' the Bible and quoting scripture. Soon, he was battling severe guilt, perfectionism and feelings of impending doom.
'There was only one person that was ever perfect, and that was Jesus,' Smith explained. 'When you’re trying to live up to that standard, actually live that out, it’ll drive you nuts.'
Smith's wife Courtney noticed the offensive tackle doing 'compulsions' on the field
Smith had treatment using ibogaine, a psychoactive drug derived from a shrub native to Africa
The couple got baptized in the hope that it might snap Smith out of his problems. Instead they snowballed.
Courtney noticed Smith doing 'compulsions' on the field and, at times, she wouldn't leave him alone with their baby son.
The 29-year-old was doing 'compulsions' in his head for up to five hours a day and he told his wife he was going to retire.
But then, in January, Smith went to Mexico as a 'last-ditch effort'. He spent time in a 'sweat lodge' and had treatment using ibogaine, a plant-based psychoactive drug derived from a shrub native to Central Africa, and another psychedelic produced in the venom of some toads.
'(It) resets your brain,' Smith said. 'It seemed like I was being exorcised of demons.'
His condition has improved but he still has treatment through OCD therapy.
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