19 vice president picks for Donald Trump that would be better than any real GOP politician
19 VP picks for Trump that would be better than any actual Republican politicianIt was a weatherless morning on Slack when our editor Alex asked us who we thought would be a good vice president pick for former President Donald Trump. When "no one" wasn't an acceptable answer, we started throwing out other names. "Spiro T. Agnew," my coworker Donald said. I'm in my 20s, so I had to Google him, but it's not like the real candidates are getting shut down for being too old. "Elon Musk," Nikki suggested. The humor was undercut when we realized the probability of many of these options being selected was above zero.Several hours and one unproductive workday later, we came up with this list. Our picks may seem nonsensical, but we guarantee that we put more thought into them than Trump did his. And if you don't like our selection, just wait until Trump announces his actual nominee later today. We're sure it'll be much better.Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.Joe ExoticThese two have a lot in common, from their status as convicted felons to their love of bad box bleach. They also each have an arch nemesis in a blonde liberal woman.Kid RockWe've tried the reality stars — it's time we give musicians a shot. Besides, it's not like he could produce something worse than Bad Reputation. QAnon ShamanThe vice presidency could offer Jacob Chansley an alternative way to break into Capital Hill.Mr. BurnsMr. Burns has blocked out the sun for energy profit, given a trillion dollar bill to Fidel Castro, and attempted to kill multiple beloved Simpsons characters – and Trump’s record is still worse. Sam the EagleI always knew he was a Republican. The MyPillow guy (we forget his name)It’s not like this guy could make an impact on the country – he couldn’t even make an impact selling bedding.Mayor McCheeseYou scoff, but he’s one of the few here with actual political experience. He might be able to do a decent job, if Trump doesn’t mistake him for his daily McDonald’s.The HamburglarThis fast food mascot is more Trump's speed – a hamburger lover and criminal. Kitara RavancheStill waiting for George Santos to pull a Mrs. Doubtfire on Congress and sneak back in as his drag persona. Dog the Bounty HunterWell, Trump wants to be tough on crime... And their reality shows were more similar than you remember – both centered around terrorizing people they held authority over for profit.Mr. KrabsWe need at least one successful businessman in the White House. Freddy KruegerSomehow, a second Trump presidency is still scarier than whatever they have happening on Elm Street. Selina MeyerOn second thought, Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Veep character is probably overqualified for this list. HomelanderIf we're going to be forced to listen to two authoritarian narcissists day after day, shouldn't one of them at least be attractive? Caitlyn JennerSouth Park called this one long before any of us. Hey, whatever keeps her off the roads and away from conservative talk shows. Christian Ziegler, Bridget Ziegler, and whoever else they convince to come alongThis pick is a three-in-one.Oscar the grouchOscar's trashcan is representative of where we'll all be in November if Trump wins the election. Tanya McQuoid Would you rather be trapped at the White Lotus or the White House? We know Tanya McQuoid's answer. Plus she comes with all the evil gays as a bonus.The ball pit from DashconEvery American unhappy with the mismanagement of the country gets an extra hour in the ball pit.
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