CDC & Amazon partner up to vaccinate sleeping anit-vaxxers

Biden And Bezos Announce Alexa Enabled Door Locks to Allow CDC to Administer COVID Shots to Sleeping Anti-Vaxxers
Tumisu / Pixabay

President Biden announced this morning a partnership between the CDC and Amazon that will allow volunteer nurses to enter private homes with an Alexa enabled deadbolt during the night to administer the COVID vaccine while citizens are sleeping.

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The CDC Has The Keys To Alexa Enabled Deadbolts

Jeff Bezos, Amazon CEO said at the press conference that, “The CDC now has the key to every Alexa enabled deadbolt in America and for citizens not registered as a vaccine recipient, well… let’s just say that they will be soon.”

Amazon stock jumped 5% on the news, as this initiative is seen as growth area with potential to expand into partnerships with other federal offices. The FBI, CIA and even the FDA are said to be in talks with Bezos and his team.

When asked about privacy and the fourth amendment, Biden began talking about life growing up in Scranton and that even his childhood friend Abraham Lincoln agreed that the, “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and besides, we’ll be saving lives here. Unlike those killers over at Facebook.”

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

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